They say if we don’t manage our expectations, they will manage us. Here are some practices to help.

3 min read

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. -Psalm 37:4

Once upon a time, there was a young man who expected life to go a certain way.

But life did not go as he expected.

To his dismay, many of the things that he thought would happen, and wanted to happen, did not happen.

This made him feel sad and unfulfilled.

Tragically, in the end, the Dragon of unmet expectations devoured the young man.

The End

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Dealing with unmet expectations is one of the harsh realities of life. In fact, many of the negative emotions that we experience, like depression and its relatives, can be traced to unmet expectations. That gap between what we want and what we actually experience sometimes can so very frustrating, which is why it has been aptly labeled as the Zone of Frustration.

Whether it is something minor, like going to our favorite restaurant for a meal only to find that it is closed, or something major, like the breakup of a relationship that was trending toward marriage or not getting the job we really wanted, unmet expectations are difficult to process.

Speaking of this, an inspired biblical writer by the name of James once wrote:

Where do the conflicts and where do the quarrels among you come from? Is it not from this, from your passions that battle inside you? You desire and you do not have; you murder and envy and you cannot obtain; you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask; you ask and do not receive because you ask wrongly, so you can spend it on your passions. -James 4:1-3

James agrees, unmet desires and expectations are the root of much of our trouble in life. Notice, though, that James does not say that the solution is just to eliminate or ignore all of our desires and expectations. That’s impossible and unnecessary.

Rather, James gives wisdom and instruction on how to better manage our expectations, so that they don’t manage us. We could summarize it with these four core practices:

1. Practice expectation awarness. This may sound odd, but sometimes we have an expectation in our minds and we’re not even aware of it until it doesn’t happen. By then it’s too late to manage it. Take some time to periodically and honestly assess, “What are my expectations here?” “What are my desires for this situation?“
2. Do what is within your power to see your expectations become reality. While we can never guarantee outcomes in life, we can influence them by our choices and actions. Go ahead, shoot your shot. As Wayne Gretzky famously said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
3. Entrust your expectations to God. Pray about it. Say something like, “Here’s my desire, Lord. I’m not going to try to hide it. You see into my heart and you know that I would like __________________ to happen, so I am laying this expectation at your Throne and I’m trusting you with it. May Your will be done.”
4. If/when it doesn’t go the way you expect, stay tuned. Don’t succumb to negativity and defeat. Your story is still unfolding. So it didn’t happen this time. This just means God has something better in mind.

An Alternate Ending

Once upon a time, there was a young man who expected life to go a certain way.

But life did not go that way. What he thought surely would happen did not happen.

But just as the Dragon of unmet expectations swept in to devour the young man, the lad swiftly evaded the dragon and hid himself out of the dragon’s reach. And with these words, he instantly quenched the fire of the dragon’s breath: Though my life is not going according to my expectations, I trust that my God has a better plan for me. So Dragon, be gone!

The dragon departed and the young man happily continued on his journey.

The End.

It’s a new day with God. Run with it.