Kids have always needed parents and other influencers to help them navigate the questions and self-doubt that go with growing up

3 min read

Growing up is hard to do, especially if you don’t have a lot of love and support along the way. By God’s design, human beings come into the world 100% dependent on someone else to care for us.

But this means more than just providing food, clothing, and shelter. It also involves helping nurture a healthy sense of identity and self-image.

Welcome to Parenting

In this complicated world, helping a child navigate the terrain of identity formation is no easy task. With so many predatorial threats to account for these days, things can get dicey in a hurry.

But lest we give into despair, it remains true that a child’s parents, or parental figures, have the lion’s share of the influence when it comes to identity formation. As long as we are present and engaged, parents, we can successfully guide our kids through the matrix of discovering who they are.

With this in mind, here are some powerful, practical, and repeatable steps to help us call out the very best in our children:

1. Bond early. According to child development experts, it is clear that the parent/child bonding process is underway early, as early as in utero. Intentional measures such as holding them, talking to them, playing with them, and singing to them will nurture your emotional connection with your little one. A word of caution: circumstances can sometimes make the bonding difficult, but don’t give up. Even if the process is delayed, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
2. Tell them repeatedly that God created them in His image and that makes them special. Of all God’s glorious creation, only human beings have the distinction of being created in his image. This is a foundational truth. It is the imago dei in us that gives us unique value, purpose, and destiny as people.
3. Familiarize them with the Gospel. Hopefully, you will have lots of backup on this from your church, friends, and family but the bottom line is that we are all sinners in need of a Savior. We are sons of Adam and daughters of Eve and that’s why sin comes so naturally to us. What’s more, our sin caused a separation between us and God. But Jesus came to our rescue! He died to pay the price for our sins so that we could be reunited with God. God loves us and invites us to come back to him by placing our trust in his Son. As Jesus said in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.”
4. Love them unconditionally. At all stages, don’t make your child have to jump through hoops to gain your acceptance. Don’t send the message – either verbally or through body language – that they have to earn your approval. Do everything you can to let them know that you delight in them as they are and that you love them when they are at their best, and also when they are at their worst. After all, this is how God loves us (Romans 8:35-39).
5. Assure them that their identity is deeper than their physical appearance. Help your daughter to understand that physical beauty is fleeting and therefore cannot be the basis of self-worth. Call upon her to cultivate inner beauty and character because “a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). Remind your son of what God said to Samuel when he was choosing a king for Israel: “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). By the way, whom did Samuel choose? He settled on a little guy by the name of David.
6. Affirm them more. It is simply undeniable that positive affirmation spoken over a child will be so much more powerful and productive than chronic criticism and chastisment. In other words, for every word of correction you give them, give them 10 words of praise and complement, even if you have to be creative about it. It is instructive for the rest of us that more than once, God the Father said publicly about his Son, Jesus, “This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17; 17:5).
7. Remind them that they are complete in Christ. The constant message of the world is that we must have more of this or more of that to be happy and fulfilled people. The carrot is constantly dangling out in front of us. Just as we think we’re about to grasp it, it moves again. But the truth we must help our children understand as they navigate through the process of self-discovery is that they are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10). Tell them they don’t have to measure up to this world’s crazy expectations because in Jesus, their identity is settled once and for all. He validated their worth on a Cross a long time ago and it’s not going to change. Once they are rooted in that, they won’t have to live their life for acceptance and approval, but from it.

A Familiar Scene

At the softball game, the young lady on the pitcher’s mound was all alone, but not really. There were so many voices and lots of noise. Some of it was supportive, some not so much. Some of it was true, some of it was untrue. Some of it was spoken out of love while some of it came from something less than love.

But there was another voice. Amidst all the noise, the young girl could hear her mother in the stands cheering her on. When things were not going well, their was her distinct and familiar voice saying “You’re doing great, Sis. You’ve got this.” That voice emerged like the sound of a bell over all the others.

Througout the game, the girl’s identity was in the balance. Was she good enough? Did she belong out there? Could she succeed? Thankfully, there was that loving voice helping her answer all these questions with a confident Yes.

This same scene plays out every day in the life of every child. While in school, on the field, or on social media, they are forced to sort through the many voices and the multitude of messages coming at them. And if they are uncertain of who they are, the world will gladly answer that question for them.

God forbid.

Parent, may God give you grace as you pour yourself into the upbringing of the next generation. For, no one can do it better than you.

It’s a new day with God. Run with it.