In the arena of parenting, it is impossible to overestimate the impact of our words

3 min read

Let your speech always be gracious…

-Colossians 4:6

A guy I know attended his daughter’s 7th grade basketball game recently.

It was rough.

For various reasons, this season has been a difficult one for her.

Things haven’t gone her way. Her playing time has been limited. Progress has been slow. It almost seems like she has regressed backwards in her skill level.

Even worse, she has lost her confidence.

When she finally got into the game the other night, she was obviously self-conscious and uncomfortable. You could see the tension on her face. As a result, almost every time she got the ball, the referee blew the whistle and called her for traveling (moving her pivot foot while holding the ball).

After five traveling violations, her dad finally stopped counting. “Unbelievable,” he thought to himself.

The Dreaded Car Ride Home

What would the dad say when his daughter got in the car for the ride home? In the past, it would have been something like, “Five travels…are you kidding me?”

But the Dad is growing, too. As a man and as a father, he’s becoming more gentle. By God’s grace, he surprised her and said “Nice freethrow!”

You see, just before the game was over, something good finally happened for his daughter. And he noticed.

She was fouled while shooting and was awarded two freethrows. The first one missed, but the second one…that one swished right through the net for a point.

So, rather than blasting her for all of the traveling violations, the dad decided to draw attention to the good thing that happened in the game. He accentuated the positive in his daughter and it made all the difference in the world on the drive home.

Jesus and the Seven Churches

The letters of Jesus to the seven churches in Revelation are helpful on this point. Read through them and you will notice that in six out of seven of those letters, Jesus began by communicating something positive about them.

It wasn’t that he didn’t have any constructive criticism for the churches, because he did. Of course, there were problems and issues. In this fallen world, there are always issues.

Yet, Jesus’ approach was to start his message to these imperfect churches with a compliment. He would begin by telling them something he appreciated about them.

Here’s an example from the letter to the church at Thyatira:

“I know all the things you do. I have seen your love, your faith, your service, and your patient endurance. And I can see your constant improvement in all these things.”

-Revelation 2:19

That’s how Jesus does it. He fully knows the truth about us…where we’re struggling and where we’re coming up short. But he makes sure to encourage us with the good. He notices the growth, affirms us for it, and cheers us along. That’s the Jesus way.

Parents, the experts tell us that a little affirmation is much more effective than a lot of criticism when it comes to raising our children. So, our challenge is to catch them doing something worthy of praise and then commend for it.

He notices the growth, affirms us for it, and cheers us along. That’s the Jesus way.

In other words, don’t highlight the traveling violations. Emphasize the made free-throw.

It’s a new day with God. Run with it.